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Why Listening to the Advice of Others May Actually Be Harmful, and How Settling May Actually Be the End

Be who you want, Radio ShowChloë RainComment

You know we've all heard them before, time and time again, the clichés... perhaps we even say them to our friends, tell them to our co-workers... those horrible clichés that make me cringe.

Why do we go around propagating bad f@c%*ng advice to our friends!?

  • It will happen when you least expect it.
  • Love will find you when you stop looking for it.
  • What goes around comes around.
  • Time heals all wounds.
  • Opposites attract.
  • This hurts me worse than it does you.    
  • It's not you, its me.
  • Don't tempt fate.
  • Good things come to those who wait.
  • Life's a bitch. And then you die.
  • Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
  • Love many, trust few, but always paddle your own canoe. Unless, of course, you're up $h*t creek without a paddle. In which case, you're totally screwed.
  • If you treat people the way you want to be treated, you just end up giving blow jobs all day.
  • Another day, another dollar.
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
  • Same shit, different day. 
  • I don’t want to step onto my soap box, but it makes it easier to get on my high horse that way. 

I was at a party recently and speaking to a new acquaintance about her upcoming nuptials, when asked about my own love life, I described a recent love affair but added that I had not been serious with anyone for a while.  Her response:

Maybe you are too picky.

I nearly spit my drink back in my glass and laughed up the shrimp cocktail I had just swallowed. Sitting there in a new emerald colored dress and having recently returned from leading a most amazing and fabulous spiritual retreat, I was high on life, happy, contented, and so this comment struck me as very funny.  

I quickly realized that she was totally serious. And I felt a ping of sadness, my heart went out to her, and all the other women in the world who've said this to each other, and heard this from one another. 

Maybe you should settle.  This is as good as its gonna get.

The longer you wait, the more chance you're going to end up alone. Do you know that women over 40 have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married?

Oh how I hate these clichés! We say them to each other then we take them to heart, and begin to believe this is reality.  I was reminded of another time a year ago, at a summer BBQ when I was introduced to a beautiful successful woman, upon learning my age at the beginning of the conversation, she promptly began lecturing me on freezing my eggs.

"You must freeze them now."

It's already too late.  

I was really taken aback.

She had given up on finding a love, a husband, a man, and was already on her 2nd in vitro treatment, determined to have a child before it was too late.  

Now I can't fully comment on this woman's position, and I very much know that we all have our own journeys and paths to take in this lifetime.

But what I heard was, FEAR speaking, not optimism or hope for her future and the future of her child.

Fear is a toxic virus of the mind.  

Most of the time we don't even realize when fear is speaking for us. Perhaps we've lived with it so long that it's become the loudest voice in the room and no one else has the strength to speak up any longer.

Fear is not who you are. Your true self is much more compassionate to yourself and to others. Your true self knows you were meant for great things and has the gumption and audacity to DO great things and BE great.   

We've all received free advice over the years, in fact many of our relationships with family and friends are based on this dynamic of spewing problems and pouring out bad clichés.  

Meanwhile we end up walking around in denial of what it is we really want, and who it is we really are. And this state becomes comfortable, but just because it becomes comfortable does not mean it is WHAT is FOR you.

Had I listened to the poor diagnosis of multiple doctors, I may never have pushed myself to recover from my near fatal injuries so many years ago and would have remained disabled to this day.  Or worse, I may have become addicted to narcotic painkillers if I'd filled the prescriptions that were given to me.

Had I not listened to the voice within me saying, "I'm not going to die like this", I may have never learned to heal myself from the inside out of the autoimmune disease and mistaken the doctor's treatment of synthetic hormones and steady decline of my health, as a life ending prognosis.

Had I listened to the fears of others, I'd have never moved to Seattle and found the beauty of life again.

Had I listened to the fear of others, I'd still be doing the "responsible" thing and living my safe life and what had become a meaningless job, waiting for the end to arrive!

Had I listened to my fear instead of listening to my inner desire I may have actually died behind my desk with all of my gifts and creativity still in me.  NOW, that's something that really scared me.  

There is NOTHING responsible about committing slow suicide. There is nothing enlightened about doing what you "should" do because, doing the daring thing makes others feel uncomfortable.

When you've gotten to the end of your mental, emotional, and physical rope and you just can't go on any longer knowing that you were meant for something else, slowing dying inside, and sometimes wishing for death.  

This is the time to take a bold stance. This is not the time to wait until God sends you a bigger sign, a better sign, a clearer sign.  You can't wait any longer, no one is going to save you.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.
— Lao Tzu

Chloë in ceremony in Cusco, Peru

You have to save yourself.

If you realize that YOU are ENOUGH there is no greater source of love and prosperity.

You are enough.

In the beginning of your daring adventure it is important to have someone to hold your vision.

When fear is still the loudest voice in the room, an objective and trained confidant can hold the vision for you, someone that has walked the path just before you and who can see clearly the steps along the way to love, health, and prosperity that is meant for you, when you cannot.

Do not hesitate to ask for help when you are in fear...

"No man can fail, if some ONE person sees him successful. Such is the power of the vision." - Florence Scovel Shinn


You can't wait any longer, no one is going to save you.

Sometimes you just know that life is calling you to take a leap of faith and change your current circumstances, but you just don't know how.

I have deepened my work with individuals.  To find out more go → here. If you are interested in speaking with me about what is best for your current circumstances, you may book a no obligation consultation: here.


The Journey

         - Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew 

what you had to do, and began, 

though the voices around you 

kept shouting 

their bad advice-

though the whole house 

began to tremble 

and you felt the old tug 

at your ankles. 

"Mend my life!" 

each voice cried. 

But you didn't stop. 

You knew what you had to do, 

though the wind pried 

with its stiff fingers 

at the very foundations, though their melancholy 

was terrible. 

It was already late 

enough, and a wild night, 

and the road full of fallen branches and stones. 

but little by little, 

as you left their voices behind, 

the stars began to burn 

through the sheets of clouds, 

and there was a new voice 

which you slowly 

recognized as your own, 

that kept you company 

as you strode deeper and deeper 

into the world, 

determined to do 

the only thing you could do-

determined to save 

the only life you could save.

Your own.

Golden Gardens Beach, Seattle Washington

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