You see, I used to be the one with a plan.
The plan was to work real hard, manage to bust 6 figures on my annual company paycheck, be a consummate professional, all the while being funny and sexy enough to attract a husband, get married in some conventional way, have a gym membership, buy a house, build a home, raise a family, renovate the house, add a bathroom, continue investing in my 401K for retirement, watch kids grow up, downsize house (after expanding several times) when kids go to college, continue to keep up my good looks, keep husband interested in regular sex with me and me alone, learn to be a good housewife.
Buy things that make me happy, like shoes.
Go on vacation once a year, someplace me and the hubbie can agree on. Buy new luggage that matches my new shoes for the once a year vacation. Hope me and hubbie still have good sex on the once a year vacation.
That was it. That was my plan.
But my plans didn't work out. Come to think of it, I'm not sure who's plan that was, or when I began believing in it, but for as long as I can remember I had been running on someone else's plan. Someone else's idea of who I should be.
And the goal was to somewhere, somehow attain happiness, but every time I showed up at some milestone of success and achievement, with new shoes on, I never found happiness there.
Or a husband, or even love. In fact when I started to get really honest with myself, happiness seemed like the ever elusive golden carrot, to be strived for but never achieved. And love and connection were distant memories, like childhood fables I had once read about in The Brothers Grimm.
You see, my plans weren't working for me any longer. The charade was beginning to fail (along with my health) and I started to see the people around me like dancing puppets, all snagged, entangled, and chained to these ways of doing things that were supposed to lead to happiness and yet what I saw, what I was witnessing around me and in my own life looked and felt nothing like happiness.
Why do people freak out so much about their plans? AND why do they make your plans their business!? Why is it that, about three questions in to meeting someone, they want to know what's your name, are you married, and what do you do?
WHAT's YOUR PLAN? And how does my plan size up to yours? Who's got the bigger plan? And who's further along with their plans?
How could I possibly exist in this society without a plan? Man, do I have some freaking nerve showing up in this world proclaiming I want to just BE, me.
To desire to live without a plan and therefore to break all of our societal conventions, there simply must be something wrong.
There must be something wrong with me, because I so strongly desire to feel alive and do only things that make me feel more alive and to really reach out and touch the beauty in the world and grasp the magic of living that I am willing to risk everything in order to feel alive, and BE happy.
I ask you, how are your plans working out?
Have you reached the golden carrot?
Life is what you make it.
We, who choose to break the mold, explore the world, and live on our own terms, learn to truly be alive, and WE are no different from YOU.
What it took for me to start living a life on my own terms is the same stuff that you've got inside of you.
Anyone living a truly extra-ordinary life, started in just the same place that you may find yourself, right this minute. Alive, in fear, questioning, wondering…
You see, this moment can be different, if you choose. Tomorrow is a clean slate. The New Year is full of infinite possibilities. It boggles the mind.
You see, your plan, at least the one your soul set up for you, is to live a life truly engaged, alive, inspired, and set on fire. To live in the world as the person you were truly meant to be, on your own terms.
You, the doer of extraordinary things, things only you can do. Experiencing all the beauty that exists in the world, that perhaps you never had the eyes to see before.
You the lover of all things, making real gestures of grandeur, marked with hope and loving with utter open abandon.
May you be blessed with clarity. Thank you for seeking, thank you for connecting with me here, thank you for daring to be true to you.
Thank you for walking with me on this journey.
With Love, Chloë
It’s not crazy to want to be free, or to craft movies that change the world, or work towards bringing nutrition to a health-starved country, or say the things you need to say and help the people you need to help. It’s not crazy to want to be seen, heard, recognized and maybe even celebrated all while having the time of your life. It’s not crazy to want an amazing, true life. Really, it’s crazy to deny the love that lives within you.- Tama Kieves