The most powerful learning I ever received in my life was the answer to the following question:
When this question was put to a group of highly intelligent individuals, their answers fell into two categories:
"To Do-ers" feel that worthiness is a result of what a person is willing TO DO to get love (as in "I am a good husband because I bring home a good paycheck, mow the lawn, etc").
"To Be-ers" feel that worthiness is a result of what a person is willing TO BE to get love (as in "I am a good wife because I am obedient, helpful, and what everyone else expects me to be").
It might astound you to know that BOTH these answers are WRONG.
What makes a person worthy to be loved is NOT what they are willing to DO or to BE. What makes a person worthy to be loved is simply because they EXIST, a person is worthy to be loved because they are, no matter what it is that they are doing or being.
Most societies in the world today fall into the "To Do" (the West) or "To Be" (the East) philosophy. Since everyone has a common need to be loved, the world is full of "To Do-ers" and "To Be-ers". The problem is that at the core of your being is your inner child who needs to be loved because it "IS".
Your inner child is an "I am-er" meaning it is worthy to be loved simply because it exists.
Love is the only medicine that can cure deep wounds.
Until your inner child is at peace, it will throw the most mature adult into chaos if it is not recognized, nurtured, and loved. By loving the child inside, you help the adult outside to reconnect with your inherent divinity ("I am-ness") as God intended.
How to Reconnect with your Inherent Divinity and Worthiness Exercise
Careful preparation is the key to making this exercise successful for you.
Before you attempt to do this exercise, you must decide whether you are a "ToDo-er" or a "ToBe-er" or whether you are both.
If you have aspects of both inside you, then you must do this exercise twice. First handle the "ToDo-er" aspect of yourself one week, REST, and then handle to the "ToBe-er" aspect at least one week later (3 weeks rest is preferable).
Do this exercise at night after you have taken a bath but before you have gone to bed. It is best you do it when you will be able to sleep the next day (do it Friday night if you can rest on the weekend). Being comfortable is the key. You need to wear comfortable, loose fitting clothing. You will also need to do this in a room that has a mirror. Bathrooms work well for this because:
there is usually a large mirror,
- there is always a door so you can be alone, and
- it is very symbolic of the internal cleansing and healing that you are intending to do.
Do this exercise in a peaceful place where you will be completely quiet and undisturbed for the entire session. This session should last for as long as your inner child needs. Since children (even inner ones) have short attention spans, this exercise usually takes less than 30 minutes.
ALWAYS ACT with absolute conviction that what you are imagining is REAL. To your inner child, there is NO difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is why a healing IMAGINED can have a REAL result (like the cancer patients who healed themselves by imagining away their disease).
Be patient with yourself in the time to come. Healing your inner child can be quite disorienting until the changes are fully integrated. It is VERY powerful and it takes time for the work that you have done on the inner bodies to be reflected in your outer body ("as above, so below").
- Look at yourself in the mirror and think back to when you were a child (in this lifetime). Give your Inner Child permission to bring the pain you endured when you were either trying "TO DO" or "TO BE" something as a child to get the love that you so desperately wanted.
- Acknowledge your Inner Child's pain by saying the phrases below with as much passion and emotion as you can while staring deeply into your own eyes:
"I know you are not happy. I respect your feelings."
"I love you. I want to heal you so that you can feel better."
"Please allow me to heal the hurt you hold inside you."
If you are a "ToDo-er" continue below, if a "ToBe-er" scroll to the bottom.
"ToDo-er" Exercise includes the following additional steps:
Acknowledge to yourself that if you have "TO DO" something to get love, then
- What you believe is that ACTION is required to produce a RESULT of love and
- What you fear is ACTIONS are not enough and you fear BECOMING your true self.
Fill your memory with incidents where you were made to feel that you were NOT DOING enough. Listen to the voices of others who said you were not doing enough and pay attention to how you feel at your core: where your inner child is.
If you cannot hear the voices clearly, imagine the phrases below being spoken by those who have told you that you were NOT DOING enough.
"No one REALLY likes you for who you are."
"You are a big disappointment: you should have done..."
"People can only like you or notice you for what you do."
"People only like you for what you have / can give them."
The only medicine to cure a bad case of "ToDo-ism" is good healthy dose of self acceptance. Most often a "ToDo-er" cannot accept themselves as they are due to a painful rejection by a loved one(s). To heal this pain, the "ToDo-er" will first need to TAKE ACTION to heal the core issue(s). If there is no core incident, then a shorter version of this process needs to be applied:
While looking in the mirror, visualize yourself as both your guardian angel (responsible for raising your self acceptance) and your inner child (who has difficulty with self acceptance).
Imagine an incident where you as "guardian angel" come to the rescue of you as "inner child". Do everything you can to inflate your inner child's self esteem. As guardian, take the actions or speak the words needed to resolve feelings about the person trying to harm your inner child.
Imagine a happy ending to this situation. Be careful not to make people the inner child fears act unrealistically. Act, as the guardian angel, the way an adult can act in the situation to protect the inner child (but in ways the helpless child cannot act to protect themselves).
Example of "ToDo-er" Exercise: At the end of this exercise, your inner child should feel empowered enough to reclaim the "chunks of him/herself" that others have taken from him/her by convincing him/her that she/he must always do more.
This is because you as guardian angel have told him/her things like:
"You are a wonderful person: I support all that you do."
"It's not what you do that matters, it's who you are."
"Encourage your own natural abilities: be yourself."
"God does not reject you but accepts you as you are."
"ToBe-er" Exercise includes the following additional steps:
Acknowledge to yourself that if you have "TO BE" something to get love, then:
- What you believe is that CHARACTER is required to produce a RESULT of love and
- What you fear is your CHARACTER is not enough and you fear DOING for yourself.
Fill your memory with incidents where you were made to feel that you were NOT BEING enough. Listen to the voices of others who said you were not good enough and pay attention to how you feel at your core: where your inner child is.
If you cannot hear the voices clearly, imagine the phrases below being spoken by those who have told you that you were NOT BEING enough
"You are not good enough to be with, to have, to get..."
"If you were good enough, this would/not have happened."
"You better never let that happen again: you must..."
"You better accept less so that you cannot fail again."
The only medicine to cure a bad case of "ToBe-ism" is good healthy dose of self esteem. Most often a "ToBe-er" cannot value themselves as they are due to the barrage of criticism they have received over the years from those around them. To heal this pain, the "ToBe-er" will first need to BECOME MORE OF WHO THEY REALLY ARE to heal such deeply inflicted wounds:
While looking in the mirror, visualize yourself as both your guardian angel (responsible for raising your self esteem) and your inner child (who is having difficulty with self esteem).
Imagine that you as "guardian angel" is taking off an old dirty, torn coat that your "inner child" is wearing. As guardian angel, ask the child who gave it this horrible thing. Assure the child that it will not be punished for telling the truth. Ask the child to list everyone who ever contributed to making it dirty and torn. Get your inner child to tell you absolutely everything that is burdening their troubled heart.
Imagine that you as guardian angel set the old, dirty, torn coat of shame and misery on fire. Ask your inner child to throw sticks on the coat so the flame burns hotter and higher. Tell the child that they are special, loved, and wonderful. Tell the child they deserve the best and they will become their own dreams. Since such wounds are deep, there may be many layers of dirty coats (which are negative beliefs about yourself) to be removed. Make sure you burn them all.
Example of "ToBe-er" Exercise: At the end of this exercise, your inner child should feel empowered enough to believe that his/her dreams can come true by convincing him/her that she/he is perfect just the way he/she is.
This is because you as guardian angel have told him/her things like:
"You are perfect, loved, and valued just as you are."
"You have, are, will be enough to live your dreams."
"God accepts you and values you as you are."
"God wishes to support you in every way."
When all the layers of "ToDo-ism" and "ToBe-ism" have been removed, you will be ready to embrace the "I am-ness" of yourself as a spiritual being in human form.
Reposted with Permission: Inner Child Work- Resolving the "To Do"/"To Be" Dilemma | Adapted from an exercise developed by Ellen Mogensen and Sandra Skelly