explore deeply

Fulfilling your Destiny

30 years of depression turns into something beautiful: a life worth living

Be who you want, Inspiring, Rites of PassageChloë Rain1 Comment

Photograph circa 2013, after beating my auto-immune disease. Photographer: Talitha Bullock

{Celebrating the anniversary of my public declaration on depression}

In 2013, after recovering from an autoimmune disease and a period in my life and health I call "all systems fail". I wanted to document for the first time feeling OK in my body. 

I made a public declaration. I was done with depression. I had crossed the invisible line and depression no longer described my state of being.

I used to feel like my depression was a personal descriptor, as if it should read on my driver's license I am: 5'2", with brown hair, hazel eyes, and lives with depression.  

And that's what the doctors tell you, too. You have depression. As if I had picked up some incurable disease along the way, some how I had contracted depression and it had been a part of me for so long, I didn't know who I was without it.

When I realized that depression was no longer my constant companion, it was like waking up to a whole new person within me. A brand new life.  Finally I could honestly claim that I was a happy person. That I liked myself, enjoyed my life, and was ok with my body. And my life was no longer distinguished by the fact that I was depressed. My life was far from perfect, I just knew I was finally on the right path

This was a groundbreaking epiphany. I wanted to document that I felt ok, with myself, perhaps more than okay and if I was ever going to feel ok in my body, the time was now. I quit smoking. I healed from multiple poor health diagnoses, I had watched my hair fall out from exhaustion and stress, and I was bloated and my organs were inflamed due to the autoimmune attack. I thought.... Damn IT ALL TO HELL. I want to document how comfortable I have become in my own skin.

Having battled with 30 years of depression, and having always wondered "What was wrong with me?!" Once having proclaimed that I was done with depression, I wanted to right everything else I had told myself all those years, like.... "I have to make myself into someone else in order to be wanted. "

“I’m too much.”

“I’m not enough.”

“I will never be happy.”

These days...

I feel purposeful.

Alive. 

I feel deep emotions; sadness and bliss. I experience defeats, devastating heartbreaks, and exquisite joys, physical pleasures, and wild beauty.

I feel all of these emotional extremes.

My hope is that in sharing my story you are inspired to listen to your heart and take a stand for your own happiness, freedom and joy.

I didn't do it all by myself, it was a journey and a process. I learned a lot along the way, and it was absolutely worth it.


The original blog post: TODAY I AM DONE WITH DEPRESSION

Today is a really big day, and I'm about to make a scary announcement.  I wanted to post a really awesome picture, make a grand statement, tell a fantastic story, say something profound and get a 100 likes.... but today's awareness and my declaration are a big enough statement in themselves.  

Today I am done with depression.

I have lived with depression, for as long as I can remember. The first time I attempted suicide I was in third grade. When I got my first high paying job out of college, and bought a bunch of grey suits on my credit card, I also started paying for therapy, as if it were a monthly utility. 

After 10 years of therapy and a couple of different anti-depression cocktails later, I was ok. But I just couldn't shrug the depression.  

I was still unhappy and unsatisfied despite all of my outward successes and accomplishments. How could this be? I had done everything right! I had followed all the rules, and I had done what I was supposed to.

I yearned, I longed for, and I desperately needed and desired REAL happiness. 

But I didn't even know what that was.

My brains and gumption had gotten me this far, but there was one voice I had never listened to.... the voice of my Heart.

To move into real happiness there was only one voice I hadn't listened to, the soft voice leading me in to the scariest territory of my living life: My Heart. 

My Heart told me to go to the Arctic Circle, and so I went. My Heart told me to move to Seattle, (my fears said No), but I went. Then My Heart started speaking up big time, and I have listened. 

I have explored deeply the inner endless caves of fear, disappointment, and hurt, and found that always the darkness could be lifted by self expression. Whether that means to express my fears, my sadness, or express myself creatively... the darkness is lifted not by suppression but EXPRESSION.

Today I am done with depression.

I used to feel depression was just something that described who I am.

30 Years of Depression turns into something beautiful: A life worth living and the freedom to be myself and love myself

I'm 5'2", brown hair, hazel eyes, and have depression.

Depression no longer serves me, it doesn't belong to me, its not welcome in my home.

I arrived here without drugs or medications, but I had lots of support, and a shit ton of inner work, exploration, and personal inquiry.

Sometimes sitting in the dark.

I will always remember this day, in my personal life history, as the day I realized I had been done with depression, and recognized that it was no longer my frame of reference that colored all things.

Things I know today: I like myself. I feel purposeful. I enjoy my life and I am happy to be alive. 

I lead with my heart now, and that has made all the difference.

When you turn inward and fall in love with the truth of who you really are, You become whole despite the brokenness.
— Chloë Rain
Chloë Rain is the Founder of Explore Deeply and the Explore Deeply Movement. She is a Spiritual Teacher & Intuitive Guide.

Chloë has had the pleasure of working with women and men all over the globe to learn to source their inner power, deepen their relationship to self love, and experience greater fulfillment, so they can enjoy the happiness they have always wanted, and have confidence and joy in their lives, relationships, and finances.

Many of her clients find that their relationships and careers shift dramatically in new and exciting ways after doing this work, creating freedom and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives. To find out more about working with Chloë go → here.

Please feel free to share content freely from Explore Deeply™. However, please be courteous and link back to the original post, and credit Explore Deeply as well as the writer where applicable. I hope you find many resources here to serve you as you walk your path of purpose. Much love!

40 Ways to Live a Happier Life

Be who you want, Inspiring, LaughChloë Rain1 Comment

In honor of life, adventure, the pursuit of happiness, and in celebration of turning 41 this year....... I am sharing 40 things that have changed my life at depth.

  1. Do something that you were supposed to do when you were a child or a teenager, but never did because you weren't cool enough, or you didn't want to make a fool of yourself. You're cool enough now. And even if you're not, who fucking cares? You're an adult, you can do whatever you want, even the uncool stuff.

  2. Climb a mountain, even a small one. Get up to a place where you can see life from a different perspective... take a breath, look around, enjoy the view.

  3. Pause, take a moment to remind yourself how far you've come. Think about how un-clever you once were, think about some of the silly things you used to think and believe about yourself and realize how you don't think that way anymore... Give yourself some kudos for being a ever evolving human being.

  4. Get caught in the rain. Purposely get wet when it's raining, because you want to. Don't run from the rain, embrace it, in your own present way. Notice how you feel.

  5. Go to your local used bookstore or library that sells used books for a $1 and pick up a book that catches your attention. Buy the book and know you've just contributed to the health of the planet by recycling that book.  Flip through the pages like shuffling cards, open it to a page, read what it has to say. Maybe its meaningful, maybe its not. It doesn't matter, you paid a dollar for it. Play like you're asking the magic 8 ball for a message every time you shuffle the pages.

  6. Ponder, does all life having meaning? No matter how difficult life gets, is it worth it?

  7. Pick flowers for your home or your beside table. I used to buy a dozen roses for myself every week at Whole Foods, when the blossoms started to wilt, I would go to the beach or go on a hike and I would say a prayer on every single rose petal and toss them one by one into the water. I would imagine the thousands of prayers I have spoken and released over the years all floating around.  Watch a video about this ceremony. When money was tight and flowers were not part of my budget, I would go to my local park at sunset and pick flowers, or steal a blossom from a blooming tree on one of my neighborhood walks. {Be considerate of your neighbors gardens, always be mindful, don't take too much and always send gratitude to your source. Tread lightly on the earth... I have picked flowers on the side of the road, or flowers sticking out of sidewalks in the city...}

  8. Lay in bed for a few minutes longer in the morning. Enjoy the comfort of your bed, and the beauty of rest and sleep, notice that today is indeed a completely new day. You will never live this day again, you have never lived this day before. What good things may come?

  9. Listen to the bird songs. Become curious. Why do they sing? Who do they sing for?

  10. Treat yourself regularly to small simple treats. Like a root beer float or orange tic tacs at the grocery store checkout line. Or stop off at the road side produce stand and buy a ripe peach, just because you can.

  11. Give gifts regularly, they could be small anonymous gifts, like paying for someone's expiring parking meter or an extra generous tip at your favorite coffee shop. Or even things like shells or stones that made you stop and pick them up. Whatever the sentiment, it's nice to know you can always give from the heart, and that's what will be received.

  12. Look people in the eye while you're checking out, no matter if you're at the gas station, the sandwich shoppe, or the dentist. See what they're saying with their eyes.

  13. Write note cards to people who pop into your mind and send them, just thinking of you.

  14. Go on regular picnics.  Even when my budget went from expensive bottles of Sancerre and exotic cheeses to 2 Buck Chuck and $2 end samples from the cheese bin at Whole Foods, regular picnics have always been a rich treat for sky gazing, contemplation, grounding and centering.

  15. Have a soundtrack to your life— make a playlist of your favorite songs, or songs that inspire you, make you feel better, or lift your spirits.  Give your sound track a name like "Almost Famous"  or "Magical Mystery Tour" or "Superfly" or "Pretty in Pink" or whatever character you imagine or fantasize yourself playing in this great play called life.

  16. Roll the windows down sometimes. When you're in the passenger side, hang your head out the window (safely), or your feet, or just do that thing with your arm and your fingers like you're making a wave as the wind gushes underneath your wing.

  17. Save a picture to your screen saver, either on your phone or computer that symbolizes something you want for yourself.  For several months I had a picture of a couple kissing in front of the pyramid at the Louvre, for some reason this symbolized true romance to me at the time.... I didn't know it yet, but within less than 6 months I would be having my own love affair in Paris. I realized later that I had programmed myself for that potential reality in my life.

  18. Take baths regularly. Like real baths, in the tub style. This goes for you men, too.

  19. Downsize your life.

  20. Think about how relatively big your current house is compared to the majority of people who live on this planet. Consider living in a smaller house, and yet feeling like you have more space in your life, more freedom, more expansiveness.

  21. Think about a teacher in school who made an impact on your life and realize what they were up against in their personal life to make the decision to be a school teacher, perhaps feel grateful they listened to their calling and were there to help you, despite their own personal sacrifices.

  22. Don't take yourself too seriously.

  23. You didn't fail that bad, it wasn't as fatal as you thought.

  24. People already forgot.

  25. Don't keep putting your happiness off into the future. Even if you hate your life right now, try to find one thing that is hilarious enough for you to laugh at yourself, so that you can find the good of still being alive.

  26. Make something to share with others, bake bread or cookies, or make beer, something you want to eat, later, eventually. See what happens when you put effort into making something you will invite someone to eat or drink with you.

  27. Build a fire, in a fireplace, a fire pit, a campfire, or on the beach. Learn what it takes to make a good fire.

  28. Realize your connectedness to everything around you, then expand your realization to how connected you are to the people in your life. Just by thinking of them you are connected to them.
  29. Re-connect to something that you put aside a long time a go, be it a childhood passion or a teenage obsession. Think about what you loved to do as a kid and then go and do that... See how you feel. Is there anything you’ve been wanting to do for a while but you haven’t made time for it? NOW IS THE TIME.
  30. Make time to be by yourself. Even just a few minutes during the day can help you connect to yourself rather than being caught up in outside forces.

  31. Write down the things that you truly value. Go back to this list regularly… update the list. Check on this list to see if the things you are doing and spending your time on are in alignment with the things you say you truly value.

  32. Answer the phone when your friend calls, they may be holding the vision for you of your greatness, when you can't see the forest for the trees.

  33. Go on mundane adventures, at least once weekly. Often times we think we have to plan something big, or an adventure takes money and time we don't have. But when you set a goal to explore somewhere once a week, be it in your neighborhood, or a short drive from your home, or even a walk in a different direction outside your house, you do not know what is waiting for your on the other side of intentional awareness. A whole new world.

  34. Fantasize regularly about an amazing sexual encounter you once had or dream of having. Let yourself feel completely satisfied in the end.

  35. When you wake up in the morning drink one beautiful, cool but not cold glass of clean water. Before you drink the water look into the glass and imagine that you are filling the glass with pure love, and that the water is pure and loving energy. Drink the glass of water like you are drinking a glass full of love potion.

  36. Introduce yourself to new music, regularly, especially go and see live music in small venues. Listen to the lyrics, let the music make your body move... allow yourself to "look silly" dancing, just so you remember how it feels to dance. There are no rules here, no directions needed.
  37. Make something just because. Create something, or do something just for the sake of self-expression. Write, draw, create, paint, cook, make love, make love to yourself. Allow it all to be ok.

  38. Remind yourself how important YOUR LIFE IS.  Make sticky notes that remind you of the importance of being you and that let you know that you are special and unique.  Set reminders on your phone with your values, or things that you intend to be, or to experience in your life.

  39. You are a DIVINE HUMAN BEING. There is no other speck of stardust in the Universe just like you. No one else thinks your thoughts, feels your feelings, or has your desires, or is capable of doing the things you want to do, in the way that you and only you can do them.

  40. You are an individual expression of multiverse life force creation energy. Never forget the source of your power. There is NO ONE else in all the Universes like you.

The way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether you are fulfilling your own potential in the best way you know how.
— Osho
Life your Purpose
You’ll never look back, but you’ll never be the same. In a good way... but its wild to realize that you don’t stay the same, everything you thought you were goes away, then the real you shows up, and you don’t even know her... but you like her
— Chloë Rain
# 26 Bake something! I have made many a friend over home cookies and pies, and guess what? I actually enjoying making them for people. Figure out what you enjoy and share it, just because.

# 26 Bake something! I have made many a friend over home cookies and pies, and guess what? I actually enjoying making them for people. Figure out what you enjoy and share it, just because.

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up, again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is a great adventure, go play outside. Quinault Rainforest, Olympic Peninsula ©ChloëRain

Chloë Rain is the Founder of Explore Deeply and the Explore Deeply Movement. She is a Spiritual Teacher & Intuitive Guide.

Chloë has had the pleasure of working with women and men all over the globe to learn to source their inner power, deepen their relationship to self love, and experience greater fulfillment, so they can enjoy the happiness they have always wanted, and have confidence and joy in their lives, relationships, and finances.

Many of her clients find that their relationships and careers shift dramatically in new and exciting ways after doing this work, creating freedom and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives. To find out more about working with Chloë go → here.

Please feel free to share content freely from Explore Deeply™. However, please be courteous and link back to the original post, and credit Explore Deeply as well as the writer where applicable. I hope you find many resources here to serve you as you walk your path of purpose. Much love!