explore deeply

Why am I alive

There is no other speck of stardust in the Universe just like you.

There are times when our world feels like it is breaking down and dissolving right in front of our eyes and we might feel like it is totally out of our control.

As we are stripped of things we once thought were important, as we lose things, precious things, we begin to understand that at the core of our being we are worthy of existence, not because of what we do or what we have, but because of who we are.

Your life and the value you bring to the world through your own self expression and creativity are the most priceless possessions that no one and no thing can ever take from you.

No one else thinks your thoughts, feels your feelings, has your desires, or is capable of doing the things you do, in the way that you and only you do them.

When we explore deeply our reason for existence, we begin to know our own self-worth in a way that we've never contemplated or experienced before.

The essence of gratitude, is appreciation for life in and of itself. Your life matters, because you are you, and no one else can do what you are here to do. Since you are still alive, your life has a reason and a purpose and if there is still breath in your lungs, you haven't fulfilled your mission on earth yet.

Time to figure out what you are still doing here and go for it. When you find yourself asking the question,"Why am I Alive?"

Know, that if there is still breath in your lungs, you have a purpose. There is a reason for your existence.

So often, people feel like "there's got to be more to life..."

You need to know that your life purpose exists and who you are serves a greater purpose in this world. 

How do I know about this? 

...from my unique challenges in life, starting from when I almost died in an accident, then later was diagnosed with an debilitating auto-immune disease, and lost everything I had ever earned in order to recover my health and ultimately my happiness.

When you find yourself wondering who you are and why you are here, know that this is one of the most important paths of inquiry one can take as a human being on earth.

It is possible to come from out of the darkness and experience real happiness. 

Although many of us hear the call of our inner desires and dreams, it is often difficult to find the path forward to our own awakening.

Whether you are considering making a life transition and don't know where to begin, or stuck in the same self-defeating patterns year after year, Life Coaching offers unparalleled results in creating lasting transformation.

You may be battling with depression or anxiety and confused as to why you just can't seem to be happy and satisfied in your life, coaching techniques help you gain freedom from anxiety & self doubt, and provide clarity.

You may be aware that there is something really missing from your life... a sense of purpose and joy that you feel is just outside your reach.

Learning to explore deeply is one of the essential qualities of living a truly inspired life.

Explore Deeply. Live Fully.

Anything is possible once we find our own unique way of connecting with our divine source. Once you find your own connection to your heart and your creative imagination the change you experience becomes visible, the internal shift creates external effects.

You look different, you feel different, you think different. The doors fly open.

Sometimes you just know that life is calling you to take a leap of faith and change your current circumstances, but you just don't know how.

You might know exactly what it is you’re meant to do in this lifetime, or you might not.

Very often, calling it drive and ambition, we become too focused on the tasks in front of us to realize the infinite possibilities that exist for us in each day. We are committed to a certain personal or professional agenda and we tell ourselves that this is all we have energy and time for. 

I have found it takes courage to take the leap of faith, it can be daunting to listen to the soft voice inside you that is telling you to explore something outside the box.  

Sometimes we find ourselves struggling because we've done everything right and followed all the rules and still we haven't connected to that one thing that makes us thrive, our own unique creative genius, and so we fail to stand out in a crowd. You've first got to take the leap of faith toward your own unique way of being and this is where life can get messy. You feel like you don't know who you are any more, but you know you can't go on being who you've been, and if you don't try to make some kind of change you know you'll feel a little less alive. 

When we surrender ourselves to the energy of the Universe, we begin to learn that our hopes and dreams were meant for us, and the longing we feel inside is helping to guide us to a place of personal fulfillment and wellness. By learning to connect to the divinity with in us, we expand our capacity to receive love and increase the channels of flow and opportunities.   

When we allow ourselves time to be ourselves, forgive ourselves, and be real, we create space and time for life to show up differently for us, more in alignment with who we were born to be.

When we feel more alive, more vital, and more connected to our own truth and the flow of the Universe, we can experience amazing things in our lives.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for being you. 

In love and service,


Reclaim Your Unique Vision

A vision is not a glimpse of what will be in the future — it’s an awareness of what is already true within you, here and now.

The vision is not something you make up, it is who you were born to be. It’s your true power, your essence, your genius, and the source of your abundance.

When you are cut off from the truth of your essence, you don’t just fail to fulfill your potential, you experience many other side-effects. The challenges you face in the other areas — health, work, relationships, prosperity — are often symptoms of a disconnection from this divine pattern in you. That’s why many attempts to solve those other problems don’t work — because they’re symptoms, not the cause.

When you rediscover your vision and begin to align with the forces of nature, you activate the latent power within you and begin to dissolve many of your problems.

How do I find my life's Purpose

Walking the Path Of Purpose

5 Month Apprenticeship Program : Learn to Embody Your Unique Source of Power, Uncover Your Strengths, Break Free of Limiting Patterns, Learn to Heal Yourself and Be in Greater Service to the World

Now accepting applications for mentorship positions, spaces are limited



If you would genuinely like to stay connected and join my community of spiritual explorers, I invite you to sign up for the Explore Deeply Movement below ↓.

I try to offer my community as many free resources, content, and tools as I can to help you feel connected and inspired.

At your fullest potential, your simplest form...with no fears...

Who are you?

A Free Gift for You → Words for Worthiness


Why am I alive? The Search for Self and the Meaning of Life : Explore Deeply a Spiritual Journey: Why am I Alive- 30 Years of Depression Turns Into Somthing Beautiful A Life Worth Living Chloe Rain Explore Deeply I am done with depression

I found myself wondering, Why am I alive?

Its New Years Eve in Seattle.

I had spent my first Christmas on the west coast, cut down and decorated a 10 and a half foot Christmas tree, watched "Its a Wonderful Life" several times, and spent the night on the couch Christmas Eve at my Aunt and Uncle's home north of the city. I didn't fly back to the east coast to be with my parents for Christmas, (I'm an only child), mainly because I was exhausted by all the plane travel I was doing on a weekly basis for work. My exhaustion was actually extremely severe at the time and what I didn't know and would find out months later, was that I was suffering from an autoimmune disease.

My body was attacking itself.

I spent most of the Christmas Holiday sleeping.

It was New Year's Eve and I had been invited to a party by one of the only persons I knew in Seattle, my hair stylist. I didn't know the hosts well and had actually never spent time with Robin and Ray on a social level, in fact had never met my acquaintances' partner.  I remember Robin saying when he invited me to their house, "you know everyone's going to be gay, right?" I had been single for more than half a decade and I thought, "I don't freaking care, Thank God I wont be alone on New Year's Eve."  

New Year's Eve was actually a beautiful day of sunshine in Seattle.

I got in my car to go get a host gift for the party later that night, down the hill from me I had discovered this gorgeous little craftsman style renovation that turned out to be a 3 generation collaboration hand welded whiskey distillery.  I thought a bottle of nice whiskey would be an appropriate host gift.

I took a residential street off the back of the hill in my neighborhood. No one ever mentions the steep terrain in the city of Seattle, San Francisco is known for its precipitous hills, Seattle for the grey skies, no one ever mentions the massive slopes and pitches in the city and the awe inspiring sunsets surrounding the Puget Sound. I came to a stop sign and looked to my right and then to my left and saw a human body smeared across the pavement.

Time warps. I leave my seat behind the steering wheel so fast that my car begins to roll and I get back in to throw on my parking brake.

She is laying there.  

Head first into the pavement, her face is obscured by her helmet and her neck and body are crumpled and piled behind the point of impact of her head.  A bicycle accident, but I don't remember seeing her bicycle.  I will never forget seeing the first drop of blood land on the pavement falling from her mouth.  And then the pool of blood that would form under her still obscured face.  Blood is black and thick outside of the body, thick and black even against the dark pavement.  She wasn't breathing at first, because I remember when her breathing began again.

There aren't words to describe a breath like that, it's the death breath.

The unconscious breath that happens when your body has gone into pure fight for survival. The breath that happens when you are precisely at the point that if you do not take another breath, there will be no more breaths in this lifetime. Blood and breath. Blood and breath. Blood. I'm paralyzed a few steps away from her, other people are talking to her, someone made the "call 911" command.

I'm standing there looking at her arms.  Her arms are thrown about her helmet like pieces of a rag doll puzzle that came apart, broken, twisted, distinctly unnatural. I remember this scene, it feels familiar, but not like deja vu.  In the time warp, my body is nailed to the pavement, as if time got sucked into my mouth and time is so heavy inside my body that it's rendered me immovable.  

No one has moved her, because it's obvious that her head, neck, and body are traumatically dissociated.  I'm not sure how much time goes by, but I'm not helping at all. I get back in my car and drive through the intersection and park on the next block. I watch the ambulance arrive, I can't see her anymore, I don't see how they pick her up off the pavement. I wait for them to turn on the lights and pull away. Time goes by. I think maybe they are stabilizing her. Time goes by.  They never turn on the lights. Time goes by. The ambulance pulls away. They never turn on the lights or the sirens.  I follow the ambulance down the street, it pulls into traffic and goes over the bridge to Fremont. They never turn on the lights. They never turn on the  siren.

I pull off to the side of the road again and lose it. Sobbing hysterically I call the only person I know in Seattle, he doesn't answer. Then I call my mom in Virginia. I'm losing it, sobbing and crying but I manage to say "Mom, its not me. I'm not hurt."  I cry hysterically. Time goes by.

7 years prior, I had been in a serious motorcycle accident and had totaled my motorcycle when I hit a patch of gravel in a 90 degree off ramp and smashed the guardrail going about 40 mph.  I  broke both my arms and mangled my full facial helmet, but suffered no injuries to my face.  I had 2 surgeries on each arm, donor bone was inserted into my right arm to help meld the crushed pieces back together. I spent 18 months in rehabilitation and therapy and still have pain and nerve damage in both my arms.

But I never thought much about it.  I am fine, my fingers work, my hands work,  I walk, I talk. I always joke, "We know how the story ends, I survive. I'm right here. " Witnessing this scene, I know. I see.

I feel the impact of a life. Its New Years Eve, she had plans.

And I don't care if she didn't believe in New Year's Resolutions, there's no way that she wasn't thinking about her future, tomorrow, the coming year.  She was on her way somewhere. Someone is waiting for her. Someone is going to get a phone call. People's lives will change forever.

Chloë Rain in her backyard in Seattle, Washington.

Chloë Rain in her backyard in Seattle, Washington.

Everything changes in an instant. Life goes like that.

One moment you are here, the next moment you are not. The body is a miracle, the heart pumps, the lungs filter, you never have to think about it.

Until you hit a patch of gravel on the road and you're dead. That's it. New Year's Eve and you're dead.

That's it, life is that miraculous and that fragile.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
— Albert Einstein

The wind was knocked out of me and my reflex for taking more air into my lungs had been suspended by the hit.

EVERYTHING IS A MIRACLE. There is no other explanation. Before it had just been a convenient saying by an intelligent man, a respected scientist, now it had become an inarguable fact, a law of the universe, a scientific rule. EVERYTHING IS A MIRACLE.

why am I alive chloe rain explore deeply I am alive for a reason

I am alive for a reason. I should have been dead. Why am I alive?

I went to the party that night and swore that I wouldn't be the party guest that kept telling the story of the tragic accident she witnessed on her way to pick up a party gift.  After the ball dropped, I found myself telling the story to my new friend Robin and he, in turn, shared a life changing story of his own.... we were drunk and talking about life and death.  I called the cab company 24 times that night, but in the morning I was sleeping on Robin and Ray's couch in my hot pink party dress.... and as Ray likes to chide me "When I woke up and saw you sleeping there, I knew we were never going to get rid of you."

And that day will forever be the turning point, when everything changed. I woke up.

I didn't exactly receive  a clear download from the heavens above with a to do list and a map. But I got the message. "You're alive for a reason. You better damn well figure out what it is, sooner rather than later. How much more time are you gonna waste being half alive?"

Anyone out there wondering "why bother to keep living?" ask yourself the question:

Why am I alive?

and KNOW

There is a reason for your existence.

And if there is breath in your lungs, you haven't fulfilled your mission on Earth.

Time to figure out what you're still doing here, and NOW.

My life and soul’s purpose is dedicated to the Revolution of the human spirit through random acts of intrigue and experiments in joy.

As you turn inward and fall in love with the truth of who you really are, you become whole, despite the brokenness.
— Chloë Rain


A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They’re just backing away from life. *Reach* out. Take a *chance*. Get *hurt* even.

But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E.

L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.
— Maude (character from "Harold & Maude" my favorite movie)

Chloë Rain is a Spiritual Guide & Visionary. She founded Explore Deeply™ & The Explore Deeply Movement based on a belief that all beings have a purposeful reason for being here on the planet at this time.

One of her specialities is helping individuals learn to source their inner power and answer their calling, so they may experience greater fulfillment in their lives, through energy medicine techniques, as well as earth based practices.

She has received professional training and certifications as a Spiritual Mentor & Guide, trained in multiple modalities, including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping, Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), as well as Mindfulness Meditation & Yoga instructor certifications.

In 2010 Chloë sought to integrate her passion for life with her creativity, experience of the profound, and eye for the refined and inspired. She founded Explore Deeply™, a unique resource for divine inspiration and self-love mastery.

She has had the pleasure of working with women and men all over the globe to heal their relationship with self, love, and prosperity so they can enjoy the happiness they have always wanted, and experience confidence and joy in their lives and relationships. Many of her clients find that their relationships and careers shift dramatically in new and exciting ways after doing this work, creating more personal freedom in their lives.

Chloë offers private mentorship programs that provide guidance to help develop personal and intuitive approaches to creating fulfillment in your daily life. She also offers healing retreats on her land in Virginia, and leads spiritual adventures to places like Machu Picchu throughout the year.